It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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