My first STD was from a foam party
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
