A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
