New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
