she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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