She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
