Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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