"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize