why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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