omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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