i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
