seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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