What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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