i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There's always time for handjobs
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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