Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
