we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
