Can Purell be used as lube?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
