I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
