Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
