Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
