My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
