New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
