Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Rumble strips road head = magical
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
