guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
