could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
