My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
