so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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