do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she told me i tasted like america
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
