I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
