And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
