what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
