You smell like a Billy Joel song
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
