I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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