Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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