Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
