i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
