bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
