Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
