Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My dick has a subreddit
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
