Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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