Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
