he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
