I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he was CRYING into my vagina
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
