I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
