I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
