It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
