I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
