There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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