its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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