actually, I'm a sock model
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
