You can't special order awesome
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
