its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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