I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
