He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
