How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
