I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize