theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
