The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
