last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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