My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
