I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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