true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
