You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
