Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
