Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize