I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
