Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
