I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
